The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
