and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
