Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
