I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
