when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want nice things and good sex
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
