i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
