Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
