dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
