he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
