I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
