whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
