Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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