trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
