I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
3 2 1 whiskey
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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