That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
