I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
