My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just had sex on a roof
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
