I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
