Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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