Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
