Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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