i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
