She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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