Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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