im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
