seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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