i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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