I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
