Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
