Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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