People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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