If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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