we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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