The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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