can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
