saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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