DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Randomize
