Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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