She announced her abortion via fbk
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
