come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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