piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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