There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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