Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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