Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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