you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
