I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
