my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
