I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
