just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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