Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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