Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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